Sunday, April 24, 2011

I just kinda need to vent.

I dunno. I'm in a pretty uhg mood right now. Depression and plain built up rage just kinda needs to be let out I guess. It sucks when you can't sleep, but you really want to. All that happens is you lay in bed, stare at the wall or ceiling, and think. Usually I'm able to keep good thoughts in my head, like perhaps something that happened over the passed couple days that I'm pleased with, and so on. Tonight I just can't. I've been laying there for hours just thinking about what's wrong, and it sucks.

It's not one big specific thing, but a ton of small things that I've just kept inside for a long time. I guess I'll just pick the biggest topic I want to rage about. Family, really. My family, as hard as they try, can't think of others for the life of them. My mom is pretty alright, being that she managed to take care of me up until now, but as it may seem I am supporting her very much with paying bills and such.

As ranted about a while back, I claimed I was going to eat better and get proper exercise to become a bit more fit, and I told her that over and over, yet she still fucks me up. Being that she is the only one able to do the grocery shopping, I have no way of being there with her to slap her hand and tell her no when she ONLY GETS FUCKING JUNK FOOD. She came home supporting me once with healthy crap like fruits and low cal/low fat meals, and that was when I first brought up me wanting to better myself. After that it's the same shit, over and over. Here's the HUGE reason I've overweight at all, and that's peanut butter. My mom thinks that every meal can be a peanut butter jelly fucking sandwich, and I'm so sick of it it's unreal. Peanut butter is decent for you once a day, and at a very small amount. She buys jars upon jars of peanut butter and jelly, with loafs of bread, and claims it's only because it's what we can afford.

FUCKING MEAT PRODUCTS. Sliced assorted meats are NOT expensive, and a HELL of a lot better for you than peanut butter 3 times a day. Those sandwiches don't even fill you up! Even ramen would be a nice substitute right now, but nope. Here's her grocery list every time she goes shopping -

Peanut Butter
Snack Cakes

That's my entire life's diet plan. Seriously, what the hell? If I had a way to the grocery store uhg I'd get so much better crap. Hell, my dream is to live off fruit, LOL. I love fruit more than any other food, it's amazing. I just don't understand what drives her to get that junk every single time she goes shopping. Drop the peanut butter and jelly for a pack of bologna or ham or something. It's going to end up cheaper, you can get more, and you can freaking eat it 3 times a day without getting fat as fuck.

Good news is, I get paid here tomorrow or possibly today. I'll be ordering an exercise bike and will TRY to work off most of the weight I've gained over the years. Also, don't think I'm like some sort of monstrous blob, haha. I am overweight but not THAT overweight. I just want to feel comfortable in my own body, you know?

Yea, that's about it I think. I feel better now, it's good to blow off steam, heh. Sorry to just kinda throw all of this out there, in case you actually read through all of it. :p


  1. Well its good to blow off some steam and at least you try to keep yourself from actually becoming a blob.

  2. Get some weights too and work those arms of yours... (every gamer needs to)

  3. Come on man, you can do it.
    Just so you know, a key to losing weight is to not focus on one part of your body (e.g. your legs) but also train a second part of your body (e.g. your arms) at the same time. It sounds really weird, but you should try it. You'll lose weight sooner than you would think. :)
    Also, GL with the home situation. I really hope you can manage to pull yourself through.
    Question tho; If your mom continuously buys junk food, and you tell yourself over and over again that you dont want to eat it, then why do you eat it? Not eating anything is even better than eating junkfood ATM. :S

  4. Hum, I remember my high school PE teacher saying that cardio is best for shaving off excess fat from wherever your body felt like losing fat. After that half the class went to the exercise bikes.

    Good luck Tate :)

  5. Heres something that is cheap,just get some spah-gett-E-Os and chop up some hotdogs in it,now you got imitation Spah-get-E,its actually pretty good if you heat it up

  6. That sounds delicious, grandjack.

  7. A lot of us out here feel the same way in very similar situations, you're not alone. It's very difficult to reach weight goals when you're depressed and upset. It pretty much ruins your motivation.

    It helps to see results from your changes, even just little ones. You can try going for more walks if you have the time, and even do some "office" exercises when you're stuck at your computer working. And drinking plenty of water is supposed to help with weightloss too. It's not drastic changes, but any small steps toward your goals helps.

    Don't lose your motivation! Getting angry and venting is actually a good way to talk yourself into making positive changes.

  8. Mr. Tate, Don't give up, I tell you only that.

    Why? Because I gave up, I gave up & I'm worse off than I previously was.
    I'm 317 Pounds, with severe Bi-Polar Depression & Agoraphobia.

    I'm cheering you on Buddy,
    Let our Comments Motivate you :D
    you can do it!!!

    I wish you all the best luck!

  9. Well now, Tate, it seems you're in a pickle! My mom does almost the exact same thing. Pepsi, chips, shit food, etc. Then the over-eating came D:
    My mom decided to get me special food and shit to try and help. She started by being like "you get one cup of soup, a rice cake, and some grapes for each meal for 4 days." (got rid of over-eating)
    Then by just getting some water bottles, rice cakes (which taste better than they sound, believe me), and some fruits in our house, I lost 24 pounds in about 45 days. yep. I'm cereal c:

    you can try it out. I'm not gonna guarantee anything, but it worked for me :D

  10. You should sit her down and explain the whole deal to her sometime, then she'll hopefully understand your situation.

  11. O yea,try replacing bread with tor-tias,it has less calories in it and you can put alot of stuff in it and heat it up with out the stuff melting or leaking into the bread making it not soggy.

  12. How far away is the grocery store from you? If you did the shopping and had a bike, you would be able to excersize as well as get the food you want to eat.

  13. This might sound creepy commenting on something that's like a month old, but hear me out;

    I've been (I think I've been) in the same pattern you were before, I used to weigh 242 lbs and pretty much decided to take control right there.. Which was hard, and surely it wasn't easy.

    Don't rely on your mom, motivate yourself.. If you grow accustomed to a certain healthy eating-routine you'll be fucking happy. Even though I'm still not in the shape I aspire to, I'm happy I know I'm stuffing myself with healthy food.

    I know I'll never be skinny as hell, and luckily - I don't want to be. My goal is 154 lbs, I am at 198 lbs right now.

    Don't try to change my mom, my dad didn't change his eating habits and was overweight as well and died 2 years ago at the age of 55. As harsh as it might sound, my motivation is to not turn out like him.

    Take control Tate, you can do it.